another weekend is upon us

I don't know if I should be happy or freaked out. I have plans for the next three weekends. All forced on me by other people. I know that sounds weird, but it's true. We have three weddings to go, all in a row. Hubby's cousin is getting married in Rhode Island this weekend, next weekend our friends here, are getting married and the weekend after that is my brother's wedding out in cali! I'm excited for all three, I just wish that they were a little spread out. I guess it's good to get them over with, but holy mastacholi!

So much for weekends plans and actual vacations. Yeah, I love going back to Cali, but we have been there two times in the past two years. And, we are basically going for the wedding and then heading back. I hate traveling across the country like that (for just a couple of days), but I have to save some of my vacation days for the big vaca we have planned up to New Hampshire. I would love to stay in sunny San Diego longer, hang out on the beach, check out the Over the Line Tournament (my best friend from high schoool is playing in it), go to The Local (my other friend from high school owns it) and have a few beverages, maybe even a bite to eat. I do plan to pay while I'm there though. Apparently some, well all of, our "friends" from high school expect free drinks while they visit the bar. How do they expect Mina to make any money?! GEEZ! While we are there we are also going to see Hubby's friend from high school, his wife, and their new baby.

Speaking of babies, This weekend's wedding...I know that we are going to get the questions. So, when are you two going to have kids, the comments, it's about time for you two to have some children. And whatever else. So badly, do I wish that I could tell them all that I am pregnant, but that's not going to happen. I think that I am most nervous to hear that his other cousin, who got married last year, is pregnant. You know what don't tell me. I don't want to know. Ya know, yesterday I was in Target and I just couldn't help but check out the baby clothes. My excuse this time was that our old friends that we will be going on vacation in New Hampshire with. Well, they have two beautiful girls and I just saw some of the most adorable outfits. I brought two home and hubby says to me, now those are for the girls right, they aren't going to end up in the drawer in the basement are they? You see, I already have a bunch of baby clothes that I loved. Either they were on sale or just too cute to resist. I mean what if they aren't available by the time this whole kid thing actually works out for me?! So, they sit in the basement waiting for a viable pregnancy and a beautiful baby to finally wear them. But they are for my son or daughter. I refuse to give them up, not matter how much hubby asks me to.

I don't know how seeing the new baby is going to be for me, I don't know what being on vacation with our old friends and their two kids for week, for that matter is going to be like. I think it will be okay, but it all makes me nervous.

On another note, I had my acupuncture appointment today. It went well. I also got my hair done, my stylist has a shop next door to the salon. They sell different things, like incense, stones and that sort. well, she hooked me up with a few good ones for fertility. She told me to put them near the uterus and concentrate. I'm excited to try them. Like I said before, I really have a lot of hope this cycle. Not just the acupuncture, I don't know, I just have positive thoughts. Here we go...

What did you do last night?

We had a blast last night! We were sad though, some friends of ours that we had planned to meet up with before the O's Game, didn't make it down in time and we didn't get to hang out with them. The later ended up at Power Plant Live and asked us to join them. Just couldn't do it, the whole Power Plant action looks great in pics and text but it's too, I just turned 21 for me. That was sad, but they only live in DC, so, I'm sure that we can find the time to hang out with them some other time. Sorry guys!

We had tickets to see Lewis Black at the Lyric last night. That man is frickin' hilarious. He cracks me up. Even the guy that opened for him John Bowden was pretty funny. I just think that Lewis Black is one of the funniest people. I wish he was my friend. After the show we took off for Molly's for Karaoke, I even sang, a couple songs. One with friends, the other I was going to do by myself, but I got back up because it was a group song. I was so nervous at first, then Hubby bought me a shot and I felt a bit more courageous. Go figure! Had a blast last night, saw an old friend that I hadn't seen in months and we sang, drank, and had a ball. I think I like karaoke. I guess as long as I'm around people I know, not all strangers like last time.

I was a lil' hung over this morning, but I took some tylenol and I was good to go. I had to work today, but then I came home to Hubby and his dad hangin' out as hubby cooked dinner. We had barbecued ribs, corn on the cob, and salad. It was tasty, oh and pound cake with strawberries and whip cream for dessert. I swear that man should cook every night! Dinner was delicious hubby, THANKS!

I rescheduled my acupuncture appointment, only to find out that I have another training to go to this week and had to reschedule again. They must think that I am a moron. Oh well. I'm excited for the next appointment. He mentioned that the body is like a greenhouse; everything needs to be just right for the plants to grow and I am a greenhouse. I know it sounds weird, but in some strange way, it makes sense. I guess I should start charting again, so that I know what's going on. Then again, I should probably stop drinking and whatever else...hmmm, I never been one to abide by all the rules. Another mojito anyone?!


-shoutouts-
oh yeah...and scooter, I'm still learning about the pic thing, but I did not dress up. That's just not for me. Besides the fact that it was about 93 degrees and like 105% humidity. I don't know if any of that is even possible, but still.

and seadragon, what the hell are you doing up at 3:00 am?! Hopefully, we'll see each other at the next meet up or something.

night all

work

Work pisses me off sometimes, ok, most of the time. But I deal with it, yesterday and today just seemed to be too much though. Ok, not too much, but a lot. I had to be there at 6:00am for a guy that didn't show up until 8:00am. I had to go in yesterday on my day off. "Trainings" that I was suppose to go to on Thursday and Friday have suddenly, today, been moved to tomorrow and Wednesday. I have "Trainings" in qoutes because I'm not sure that I will learn too much. I have been doing my job for awhile, but soon I will be certified. Whatever that means. I don't think that I am upset because now, I have to get up at 4:30am to drive to a place that is only about 60 miles away and should be an hour's time away. But, with the traffic around here it'll take me nearly two and a half hours, even that early in the morning. UGH. I should be in bed, yet for some dumb reason I stay up. Almost in protest. Damn traffic!

Maybe I'm pissed off because I had to cancel my tune-up appointment for my car. And now, I can't take my car in to get the new head unit I want that will allow me to play my ipod in the car. hmmm...
I think that I am really pissed off because I have to cancel my second acupuncture appointment. That, I am not so happy about. From one of my recent posts, I mentioned that I was giving acupuncture a try for my 'unexplained infertility'. I am really looking forward to the sessions and the knowledge. And, I love the fact that I don't have to take any drugs that force my body to do something that it can do naturally, if I just take the right steps. One of the right steps would be going to bed now. Maybe I should do that, man, that damn traffic!

herbs

I love my herb garden. Last year I had such good luck with a basil plant that I bought from Whole Foods that I felt like an expert. So, this year Hubby and I decided that we would go all out. Ya see one year we grew watermelon in our alley. Got two huge watermelons, the best you ever tasted are homegrown. The next year we had mad success with our basil, so, why not try out a few other herbs. This year, we did. We have parsley, basil, cilantro, thyme, rosemary (x2), mint and our tomato plant. We are very excited, now, if we only recipes that used all of these herbs. *sigh*

We'll come up with something soon. They are all almost out of control. I will show pics as soon as I learn how to post pics. I love working in the graden though, it just brings me peace. I love to save my plants from the weeds. I just feel important. I also have a wildflower garden and in the front I've got a tulip and iris garden. The tulip and iris garden are where my ducks stay. Yeah, I have ducks. They are porcelin, but still they're ducks. My grandmother thought that they would look good in my yard, without even seeing my yard. But, she was right, they are awesome. Thanks Popo!! I also have a lily, hydrangea, nandina, hosta, sedum, hellborus garden. Ok, so the that one we had put in by landscapers, but still. It's a garden, I mean, I pick the weeds and the mushrooms and stuff. Had to go to work for an ungodly reason. I need some peace...maybe I'll go work in the garden.

HonFest

Were you there? Because if you were you didn't make yourself known to me. I'm tellin' ya, it was packed, maybe I just didn't see you. It was hot as hell up in that joint! Many times I thought that I might just pass out. Then I had one of those froo-froo lookin' smoothies. That was yummy and I cooled off, for the next half hour or so. It was like heaven, and then I started to sweat again. Ya, see, I'm from sunny San Diego. Sunny San Diego, it means dry heat, not wet, sticky, slimy humid heat. For those that were there yesterday, yes, that was me in that 'drink local-San Diego' tank. I can't stand humidity, I know that that sounds cliche, but I speak from knowing the difference. Yesterday though, I did get over it. I don't know if it had anything to do with Bacardi's misting booth or what, but I handled it. It also could have been the fact that our friends' live right off the Avenue and I rushed to their house any time I was too hot or had to pee.

Hubby met up with one of, no make that two, of his 'blogger' friends. One on purpose and the other by chance, sort of. I on the other hand, only met up with people that I haven't met on the internet. Mind you I have no problems with internet friends. I just don't have any within Baltimore, yet. Except Jessica and Jason...hey guys, where the hell are you? One quit, the other fired, did you all run off to another state together and not tell the rest of us?! We miss you if you are reading this. Blogger is such a weird word and so hard to own up to. So, I have noticed anyway. I haven't had the opportunity. I just started my blog, so, no one reads it yet, therefore no one knows who the hell I am. Even if I did come up to them and say " Hey, are you "so and so", oh yeah, well I'm lowercasek. " They would think I was some sort of moron, I mean wouldn't you?! hmmm...bloggers...

But, HonFest was good, got to hang out with good friends, drink Natty Boh, and get a tan. All in all it was a good day. Thank you HonFest! See ya next year!

needles anyone?

Why are all of my titles questions? I guess I will address that at some point, not now though. Today, was my first acupuncture appointment. It was the initial consult and then followed by the procedure. Yes, that's right I had needles stuck in me for 20 minutes. It wasn't bad at all. there were probably about 15 all together. The Dr. 'diagnosed', now I use diagnosed loosely beacuse he said he thinks that I have bad blood qi. He looked a little perplexed that I hadn't been diagnosed with something before now, by western dr.'s. I have low blood pressure, never diagnosed with it but, it is lower than normal.

I have a lot of hope for acupuncture, but I'm not sure everyone else does. My mother however is absolutely exstatic for me. She says she's been praying for this. What? Praying for me to go to acupuncture? Why aren't you praying for me to be pregnant and stay pregnant with her first grandchild? Hey, she's praying for me, I can be happy about that. Thanks mom.

what are your plans for the weekend?

I know that it's a little soon for weekend plans but, today being my day off I am thinking about it. I'm not suppose to have weekends off from work. At least not every weekend. Lately, with the first of 5 weddings this summer/year we have a lot of events to attend. The weekend before last we attended my cousin's wedding. A very posh set of events (rehearsal dinner and actual wedding) all taking place in Washington D.C. It was fun, it was black tie, so we had to dress up quite a bit. I had to do a reading, which I thought would be fine, but I got wicked nervous right as I was about to get up and read. I got through it, a stutter or two, but everyone said I did a good job. So, I must of right?! We were suppose to go to the brunch the next day, but we didn't.

Last weekend we had, well, I had a Bridal Shower to attend, which was nice. My friend that's getting married here in Maryland, (the rest are all out of state) I am so happy for. She was hubby's coworker's girlfriend but she's become a very good friend. I was excited to be apart of her shower. Then we had a graduation party to attend. A friend of a friend turned into a good friend of my own. I was amazed, I don't think that I know as many people as were at this party. Granted she is one of four kids, her parents are much of the same, and many of the people were family, but still it was a lote of people. Everyone sooo happy for her! a lot of love and happiness. It was so much fun, that we missed a new friend's show. ooops.

Then we took off for our favorite local bar, Molly's, for Keyboard Man Karaoke. I thought that I would be able to sing, but I got nervous and couldn't do it. We were waiting for a friend of our's to show up, the one who's show we missed. She actually works there on Friday nights. I knew that if she was there she would make me get up there and sing, sometime I need a little coercion. It was a great time, I have never seen my local bar so packed, great for them too! The owner if made a comment to me about how upset I must be that this was the first time that I didn't have a seat waiting for me at the bar. I chuckled and said that I didn't mind as long as it wasn't a habit! Sunday was a day to chill and clean the house a bit. Good ole' Sunday stuff!

As for this weekend, that is if the weather holds out, is HonFest! We have a few local festivals through out the summer. It's really nice because we can just walk to them or walk home, sober or not. We try to hit each of them throughout the summer. Last year, I did miss the HampdenFest. And apparently (according to my hubby), I missed quite a few awesome bands and a good time. This year I vowed not to miss any, I guess that means a lot of weekends not working. (like I'm really that upset, I know my hubby loves it). Well, if you don't have any plans for Saturday come and join us at the festivities. I'll be there with beer in hand, be sure to say HI!

too excited?

I was at work today and I was talking to a friend of mine. I was telling her about the acupuncture. She kinda freaked, maybe everyone freaks, but I thought it was funny. She said taking drugs daily or needles in the body. She'd rather the drugs every day. I told her, if only she had to go through the side effects that I have. Not that I would wish any of this on anyone.

Then I get a phone call, it's the "secretary" for the acupuncturist. She said "Uh, may I speak to lowercase k? I said "This is." Her "Oh, this is Mary from the acupuncturist's office and you have an appointment." I look at my watch, it's 3:30, the time of my appointment. I said "What? I thought that it was the 8th at 3:30.?" Basically, she explains to me that they only work half days on Wednesdays. I was pretty positive that when I set the appointment up she told me the 8th at 3:30, never gave me a day. She tells me again how the only work half days. So, finally I just apologize and ask when I can reschedule. I felt like a dumbass. I don't like missing appointments. Now, I have to wait another day for my long awaited acupuncture appointment. Kinda bummed, was I too excited?

On a happier note, Hubby took me to see Layer Cake tonight. We have this little theater, it's actually not that little, but it shows a lot of independent films. I love it. We go there often, sort of. The Charles Theater doesn't have all the big blockbuster flicks and that's what I like about it. If you live in the Baltimore area, you should check out! If you need any recommendations, just ask. Have you all heard of Layer Cake? If you have or haven't, look it up. If it sounds like something that you would enjoy, you must go see it. I heard about it when I was in Park City this last January for the Sundance Film Festival. I really wanted to see it but I was a little tied up with other things each time it was playing around me. Plus the snowstorm here in Baltimore left me arriving to Sundance a day late! UGH, damn snow!

day 1

The sixth day of the month and I start a blog. Aren't people suppose to start things in the beginning of the month. Or even the first of the year. I've never been one to be on time. This blog (what a weird word) isn't for anyone but myself. Read on if you'd like, but no one ever said I was interesting.

I feel like there is so much pressure on the first post. It will tell who 'I' am. It will be what the entire blog is about. It will be the deciding factor on if others will visit or not. Well, I just don't care (okay, well maybe a little). First or last post, this is what's in my head now.

18- moved to Maryland
20- met the love of my life
27- married the love of my life
27- love of my life and I decided to have kids
29- first miscarriage
30- second miscarriage

I know there's much more to put in that life-line...much more, but right now I am fixated on the last three. BIG TIME! I have been through it all, or at least all that the "professionals" think I need to go through. Infertility is the scariest, most stressful, confusing word ever. Let no one ever have to relate to that statement. Unfortunately, there are so many that do. To you, I say vent away, do what you can to let it out. I am! BUT, if one more person tells me to "Relax" though, I might have to stab them in the foot. If one more person tells me that their best friend's cousin has a friend who was dealing with infertility and then just relaxed and what do you know, they got pregnant!! OR, they just tried to adopt and then they got pregnant because they stopped concentrating on trying. I might have to hurt them too. I pretty much hate advice at this point, but I put my fake smile on and cringe behind it all. Then I get pissed and decide that I hate them and never want to speak to them again.

I have been through it all the charting, the clomid, the side effects, the OBGYN's, the miscarriage, the Reproductive Endocrinogloists, the HCG (10,000 and 20,000 doses), the progesterone, the ectopic pregnancy (for those not in the 'know' miscarriage #2), the methotrexate, the not being able to try the trying, the positive pregnancy tests, the negative pregnancy tests, the heartbreak, the misery and the FRUSTRATION!! I know that I am not done. I know that there is so much more. And who knows how I am going to handle. I guess we'll find out together.


On to some good news! Wednesday is a big day for me. My mother is Chinese, my mother also had me when she was very young and I was not 'expected'. She has no clue what I have been through. For I don't even know how long, she has been telling me the powers of acupuncture. She's got a friend that had brain surgery and heart surgery, but her acupuncturist was the one that made the pain go away. Her other friend had chronic headaches and her accupuncturist made them go away. She has faith in this one and only one acupuncturist. He's located in New York, Manhattan, Chinatown to be exact. She told me that I had to check this guy out and gave me the info.
Sorry mom, but I am not going to drive to New York everytime I need an appointment. Thank you though.

Instead, I found my own guy. He is reknowned in Traditional Chinese Medicine. I've actually been reading a book about Traditional Chinese Medicine... 'The Infertility Cure' by Randine Lewis.
It is so interesting. It makes me wonder if it all works, I mean it's recorded in their history, MY history. Not only the acupuncture, but the herbs, the Qi, the Yin, the Yang, the meridians. The Blood flowing properly, the Liver functioning correctly, the Spleen functioning correctly, the Kidneys functioning correctly, and of course, the Heart functioning correctly. How to tell what's what and why's why and how to become, stay pregnant and have a healthy baby. Does it work? Will it help achieve what I have been trying to acheive for three years? Guess we'll find out on Wednesday...wish me luck!

ignore this

Checking out the new digs.