waiting

As usual...the waiting game sucks. There isn't a fancy way to describe it, it just sucks! Plain and simple. I had my transfer 5 days ago and all I can think about is what should I be feeling right now? What did I feel before, is this the same, is it different? If so, what's the same, what's different? Different is good, right? I mean I want things to end up differently this time. I have so much faith and desire for this to turn out differently, but every now and again that doubt sneaks in and I scare the crap out of myself. I mean seriously, what will I do if this ends in any way similar to the last few times?

I keep talking to my tummy. I keep telling those blastocysts to implant in my uterus. And yes, plural is what I say, I will take plural. It will be hard as hell, but I will take plural! I even want plural. I know that this will work! I will be pregnant on Wednesday! I will remain pregnant until I give birth to one, two, or even three healthy babies!

Every twinge I feel I wonder, when I don't feel twinges, I wonder. Earlier, I was searching the interweb for any firsthand experiences. Even though I know that not everyone is the same. I guess I'm really just trying to figure out if I can wait until Wednesday or if I will be tempted to POAS.

I AM OBSESSED, can you blame me?