blah, blah, blah

I feel like there is a lot of catching up that I need to do, but I don't know where to begin, so why bother. I will just post when I can and about whatever I feel like. So here's another blah blah blah. So moving here has been a bit lonely. I figured it would be awesome, a nice house, in a great area for a great price. That would be all that I needed. Did I mention that we just wanted to get away?! Away from everyone getting pregnant, away from all of our friends making their family bigger, away from a shitty job, away from all the pressure away from all the stupid doctors, that think they know what the problem is, but can't seem to help me, away from all the people that think they are helping but they aren't...just everything.

I'm just so done with people that think that they know, or think that they can help. You don't know what I have been through, you can't say the right thing, you can't fix it. Adoption seems to be our next step. As, we decided back before all the IVF stuff, we would adopt from China, but it's just so damn expensive. It's all I want is to make my family bigger, but fro crying out loud, must it be so damn expensive? So, we wait. It doesn't help that I am not working right now. But my job had no positions for me and there was no place to go. We were just going to live off of hubby's salary, but I'm bored and that will take us awhile to save up for adoption. man am I bored.

I have no friends here, I miss going out. I miss having things to do. Did I mention that I wasn't working. Did I mention I was bored? Anyway, North Carolina is lonely and I need a job. I just started sending resumes out, but I forgot what a pain in the arse it is to get a job. I hope this ends soon. OMG and Carolina is all about kids. That's the first thing people ask you? Do you have kids? How many kids do you have? UGH, I'm surviving. I have had my losing crying bouts, but I'm dealing. I know I won't be forever without kids. I may be without giving birth, but I will not live without having children. Mainly, because I see what my parents are doing to (I'm an only child) and I need kids to take care of me when I'm older. Yeah, that's the only reason. ;)