day 1

The sixth day of the month and I start a blog. Aren't people suppose to start things in the beginning of the month. Or even the first of the year. I've never been one to be on time. This blog (what a weird word) isn't for anyone but myself. Read on if you'd like, but no one ever said I was interesting.

I feel like there is so much pressure on the first post. It will tell who 'I' am. It will be what the entire blog is about. It will be the deciding factor on if others will visit or not. Well, I just don't care (okay, well maybe a little). First or last post, this is what's in my head now.

18- moved to Maryland
20- met the love of my life
27- married the love of my life
27- love of my life and I decided to have kids
29- first miscarriage
30- second miscarriage

I know there's much more to put in that life-line...much more, but right now I am fixated on the last three. BIG TIME! I have been through it all, or at least all that the "professionals" think I need to go through. Infertility is the scariest, most stressful, confusing word ever. Let no one ever have to relate to that statement. Unfortunately, there are so many that do. To you, I say vent away, do what you can to let it out. I am! BUT, if one more person tells me to "Relax" though, I might have to stab them in the foot. If one more person tells me that their best friend's cousin has a friend who was dealing with infertility and then just relaxed and what do you know, they got pregnant!! OR, they just tried to adopt and then they got pregnant because they stopped concentrating on trying. I might have to hurt them too. I pretty much hate advice at this point, but I put my fake smile on and cringe behind it all. Then I get pissed and decide that I hate them and never want to speak to them again.

I have been through it all the charting, the clomid, the side effects, the OBGYN's, the miscarriage, the Reproductive Endocrinogloists, the HCG (10,000 and 20,000 doses), the progesterone, the ectopic pregnancy (for those not in the 'know' miscarriage #2), the methotrexate, the not being able to try the trying, the positive pregnancy tests, the negative pregnancy tests, the heartbreak, the misery and the FRUSTRATION!! I know that I am not done. I know that there is so much more. And who knows how I am going to handle. I guess we'll find out together.


On to some good news! Wednesday is a big day for me. My mother is Chinese, my mother also had me when she was very young and I was not 'expected'. She has no clue what I have been through. For I don't even know how long, she has been telling me the powers of acupuncture. She's got a friend that had brain surgery and heart surgery, but her acupuncturist was the one that made the pain go away. Her other friend had chronic headaches and her accupuncturist made them go away. She has faith in this one and only one acupuncturist. He's located in New York, Manhattan, Chinatown to be exact. She told me that I had to check this guy out and gave me the info.
Sorry mom, but I am not going to drive to New York everytime I need an appointment. Thank you though.

Instead, I found my own guy. He is reknowned in Traditional Chinese Medicine. I've actually been reading a book about Traditional Chinese Medicine... 'The Infertility Cure' by Randine Lewis.
It is so interesting. It makes me wonder if it all works, I mean it's recorded in their history, MY history. Not only the acupuncture, but the herbs, the Qi, the Yin, the Yang, the meridians. The Blood flowing properly, the Liver functioning correctly, the Spleen functioning correctly, the Kidneys functioning correctly, and of course, the Heart functioning correctly. How to tell what's what and why's why and how to become, stay pregnant and have a healthy baby. Does it work? Will it help achieve what I have been trying to acheive for three years? Guess we'll find out on Wednesday...wish me luck!