it's that time again!

...what time you ask?

keyboardman karaoke time! HOORAY! Tonight once again, at the place to be, they will hold karaoke of your favorite 80's toons! Who will be singing? You just never know. Come and check it out for yourself! It's always a good time, especially if you have enough beers! I know you love the 80's and if you don't then you'll love making fun of everyone else loving the 80's. If you don't have plans and you want to make some. Come and meet us at Molly's in Remington tonight. It'll be a BLAST!!
C-you there!

i'm confused

I don't know where to begin with my acupuncturist. I had another appointment yesterday, it went well. I guess. He asked me if there were any problems. I said, "Well, I'm not pregnant." And, we just both kind of politely chuckled. But I guess that's not really a problem, just a situation. Same thing, needles, music, lying down and relaxing. Is this working? I'm confused. I want it to work, but is it working?

I should be ovulating soon, but I feel like after three and a half years of this, I don't know. You'd think that after doing something for three years you'd know what you are suppose to be doing. I mean I know what we are 'suppose' to be doing. But, to this day, I still don't know how my body works. It confuses me everyday. I have had the same one for over thirty years and I still can't figure it out. I mean I understand that I will always have the family butt, no matter how much I work out. I know that I am doomed to have cellulite. I know that I'm not growing anymore, height wise anyways. But most if this I know from the rest of my family. I don't know because it's my own body. So, I take my temperature every morning to find out if I have ovulated or not, but it doesn't tell me when. I tried to use ovulation predictor kits but they confuse the hell out of me. I mean a line is a line when it comes to pregnancy tests, but the predictor kits one line has to be darker than the other. You have to use them twice a day around specific times. They just aren't fesible when you have to work weird hours. Or work at all. So, instead, I just wait. I wait for my temp to go up to know that I have ovulated and the 2WW begins again. When will the confusion end?

avoidance is best

I just feel like if I avoid it, it's not an issue. BTW, acupuncturists don't know all. That high possiblity was just high hopes. I got a big fat negative and drank the night away!

Had a blast in San Diego, saw old friends, hung with family, baked in the sun, and tortured sea anenomes. We got in Friday and headed straight to The Local. Cool little bar, trying to bring the beach hut atmosphere to downtown SD. I think my friend Mina did a great job! I'm so happy that it's successful. After drinking and no eating since 5:00 our time, we left the bar and headed to the Taco Shop two doors down. Had some rolled tacos and a lot of guacamole. Damn they were good! I miss mexican food! I mean Taco Bell just doesn't cut it. Little Italy, I need a Little Mexico. I've seen a couple of taco shops off Broadway, but have yet to try them out. I need to just suck it up and try them out. Then passed out.

Next morning we headed to the Over the Line Tournament, that my friend played in. Here are some pix from the action. It also explains a bit about the game. The pic with the two guys in red and the chicken, the guy on the left is my friend from high school. We got a kick out of that! My best friend in San Diego, played like three games and they won two. We only got to see them play one, but it was the first that they won. They even wore costumes, The Local Donkey Show Girls Have Arrived was the name of their team. They were sponsored by the bar so they wore tanks with the logo on them, skirts, and big sombreros with donkey ears on them. They looked great and everyone wanted a pic. Well everyone either wanted pix of girls in costumes or the girls flashing them. Ya see, this tournament is more along the lines of a Preakness Event. Drunk girls feel the need to flash their breasts to anyone who will look. I want to see just drunk girls, but I don't even know if that's true. I do know that I have never felt the need to flash my breasts to gawkers, picture takers, and the lot.

We were there much of the day, I even got sunburnt, it was wonderful! We rushed back to the hotel and got ready for the reception. It was pretty casual so we knew it wouldn't take long. The "house" that it was at was beautiful. It's a house that is owned by UCSD and rented out for functions. It overlooks Scripps Pier and it was gorgeous! I got to see so many people that I haven't seen in ages. I definately got and gave the whole 'I remember when you where this big.' I never thought that I would give it, but I did, then felt like a moron and an adult all at the same time. It was a very joyous occassion. I loved seeing everyone, the food was tasty, the decorations were gorgeous and I felt like I was home. I miss the smell of the ocean, the warmth of the sun and the cool breeze through the night.

The next day we headed to the house to say goodbye to family and the wedding party. From there we went to see Hubby's old friend and meet their new baby. He's adorable and sweet, doesn't do much yet, I mean he's only about 5 months old. I did well though. Every time I looked at him I thought about how much I wanted one. All in due time I guess. They then took us over to the new Aquarium and played in the tide pools! It was a flashback, I love playing with sea anenomes. It's so weird! Then we had a little In-N-Out Burger, I love that burger joint and I miss it so! We drove around a bit and I reminisced. Back to the Hotel, then out to dinner, then a very early flight home. It felt good to be home, that is until the freakin' humidity hit me! I hate humidity!

It was good to see my kitten again though.

acupuncturists know all?

Ok, so maybe they don't know all. But no matter how much doctors have disappointed me in the past, every time I get a new one I feel like they know all. They could tell me to jump off of a bridge to get pregnant or to get better, whatever the case may be, and I would do it. I shouldn't have so much faith, it only results in heartache, but for some reason...I've got a lotta damn faith in this guy. Plus, he said the coolest thing ever yesterday. He said, well, let me tell the story.

I went in for my appointment yesterday and I wasn't sure if I could have a session because I was already in the 2WW. So, as soon as we went back I explained. The second I was done or even a second before that he grabbed my wrist and took my pulse, then my other wrist. He said "Hmmm, that's a very interesting pulse." -needless to say, I am not qouting line for line or word for word because I'm not good like that, nor do I have a memory like that.
I'm thinkin' what the heck does that mean? Then I remembered in my book, she talked about being able to tell a woman was pregnant by her pulse, way before even she would know. So, I'm thinking and I'm hoping and I just want him to say it. But, he just calmly says "You have a slippery, rapid pulse. There is a high possibility that you are pregnant." I think I had the biggest grin ever, but I was trying to be calm. I mean he did say "high possibility" but then again he did say "high possiblity".

So, now I'm freaking out even more...aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I want to test soo bad! But, I know nothing is going to show up. Then I'm just going to be so upset or just be skeptical. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to feel. I'm just so, nervous I guess. Ladies, here's my chart, let me know what you think. I love and need your advice. I don't think it looks like much and if you don't either, feel free to say so. Oh, and I will most definately be taking tests with me. I have to admit though, I didn't go the internet route this month, so, they will just be Answer Early's. So, I might have to wait it out. Oh what the hell did I do to myself?! SHITE! Answer's are good, I should worry not. I will try to post while I'm away, no guarantees though.

E, I will call you if it's good news!
love to all-
me

Happy Fourth of July!

The 4th is supposed to be filled with barbeques, beers, potato & macaroni salads, chips, fireworks, and the lot! My fourth, is filled with me getting over a 102.4 fever and not much else. I did try to make it to the Towson Parade with Hubby and his parents, but even sittin' there and watching was a match for me. I think it was more the walking from the parade to the car and the heat. We came home and I chilled for a bit, so we went to get a bite to eat. I felt a little better after that, but then I came home and slept for like two hours. At least it felt like two hours. We had plans to go to DC with the rest of my family, but couldn't make it that far. ...that far, like it's sooo far away. It just seems like it when you have to drive to one place and then walk another place for what seems like miles, I couldn't do it. With that fever I had full body aches and could barely move. I'm not looking for sympathy, I just want you to understand why I am home at 10:00 at night blogging. Not out and about watching fireworks and the lot.

Oh, but I did get to watch some neighborhood fireworks. I also could just barely see the fireworks from the Harbor out the bathroom window and through some trees. I gotta tell ya...the neightborhood works were quite the spectacle. I don't really know the whole history of why fireworks weren't sold in Maryland before. I guess people had to drive to like DC and West Virginia before, but now they are able to buy them right here on nearly every street corner. They were pretty cool, maybe I should buy some the next time I see a stand. Although, that may be a major fire hazard.

Not only did I miss real fireworks, but I missed the food and the beer. Oh, how I miss beer. This whole 2WW thing sucks! Oh wait, I am now in the 1WW. I have one more week to go. One more until I find out if I am pregnant or not. One more week before I go through the depressing exhausting event of the wicked witch or the "jubilance" of being pregnant. The quotes are about the two miscarriages. Yes, I will be exstatic about being pregnant. I will be through the roof happy if I am pregnant! BUT, yes, I know it is a big but, I will also be scared out of my wits. Not scared that I'm pregnant, just scared that the some unfortunate incident could happen again, or even something worse. Will I ever get over this? Probably not, but I will work with what I can. Believe you, me, I will be shouting to the world that I am pregnant again!! The tricky part in all this is next weekend I will be in Sunny San Diego. This is the beach that we grew up on, now, it's covered in seals. I would post the pic that Hubby took a few years ago, but I have yet to reteach myself or have Hubby reteach me how to post pix. *sigh*, man, am I lazy. However will I test there? It just seems werid to think of bringing or buying a pregnancy test and then taking it in a hotel. But, we all gotta do what we gotta do. And, I will do it! ;) Back to the beginning.

Happy 4th of July everyone!!

me update...

Ok, so the whole reason I started this blog is because before I had a journal. The journal helped me to type out my thoughts, my frustrations, talk to my friends, let them commiserate with me, and share with others my experiences with infertility. So, some of you may or may not know what the 2WW is, but I'm in it. If you don't know what it is god bless you, may you never. Or at least may you not have gone through as many as I have. The 2WW is the two weeks that one must wait after ovulating to find out if they are pregnant. It is the worst two weeks of any month, ever. The waiting, the then getting them over and either having the wicked witch find you (and you are the most devasted you have ever been) or waiting a few more days because you just might have implanted late and there may still be a chance that you are pregnant. That's after like five negative pregnancy tests, because one has been through this so many times that you are now buying the cheap ones online. I mean they do have the highest sensitivity possible. Because maybe, just maybe, those five are defective.

Actually, normally, one starts a little earlier than the end of the 2WW because one knows that these tests are the highest sensitivity possible. So, you start testing earlier then you are even more devastated that the wicked witch shows up. UGH, it's all so frustrating. I just want to know what it's like to be pregnant for longer than 6 weeks, I want to know what it's like to give birth, yes I said it, and I meant it. I want to know what it's like to me a mother. I want to see what Hubby and I look like all mixed up together. I want to go through the terrible two's, I want to know what kind of teenager I was. I want to know what it's like to send my children off to college. I know, I'm skipping around a lot. I guess I just don't want to be 70 when my kids head off to college. I know I got some peeps put there that feel my pain. I haven't heard from you all in awhile?! I hope that you are all well and pregnant! BTW, I will be in Cali when it comes time to test...oh the torture! ;)

wedding #2

Has it really been a week since my last post? Another wedding this weekend, this time we only have to travel to western Maryland, not too bad. I'm excited, this one is about two friends of ours making it official. They are an adorable couple and will be very happy together, I just know it. And this wedding will be a little different. It's on a farm in an old barnhouse, not the typical in a hotel or an average reception site with bad food and no adventure. I guess I should explain.

Hubby and I met back when we worked at a hotel and conference center, where we attended half a dozens weddings a week. Ok, so not quite "attended", more worked. The food sucked, they all seemed to be the same, dj playing the same songs, sometimes even the same dj, it got kinda sickening after awhile. Needless to say our wedding was different from that. We had it at a mansion, everything in one place, ceremony and reception. The ceremony was to be outside, weather did not permit, but in the tent with the flap open. We did have buffet, but they were stations with all kinds of yummy foods, yeah, I said yummy what about it? Nothing really special, just different from the whole hotel scene and I'm not shittin' on those who choose to have their weddings there, just saying it wasn't for us.

This one wasn't like ours, the food was eh, the booze was expired, and the dj played weird music in the beginning. All in all, we made ourselves have a good time. We got see a lot of family that we haven't seen in awhile, so that was nice. Hubby's family is Awesome! I love them all. Big family too, hence most of the weddings.

So, since this one should be a little different I am expecting to have a good time! Oh for those keeping track, you will be happy to know I had no dissappointments last weekend. No one announced that they were pregnant!!! HOORAY! I think I might of lost it, but no need, it's all good.