week one almost over

so far I have been pretty sane, of course, the sanity usually disappears about mid week two. I've been torturing myself as usual. I read the message boards. The used to be on the weddingchannel.com, but they changed their systems and the boards went to crap. Now, they've moved over to constantchatter.com where they are pretty similar to how the WC used to be. Iread about what symptoms pregnant women have and what not. It's just pure torture. Ok, right here, right now.

I will NOT look at threads that I don't belong in. The less torture the better! I feel like that needn't be said...well, i said it anyways.

Stop the madness! Of course, I can't stop thinking though...Next week is our anniversary, man, that would be a great anniversary present for Hubby and me.

When will the madness end?! I can do this, I can do this, I got this...right?

still got a little faith

My acupuncture appointment went well. It was very relaxing. The weekend was blah. Friday we just kinda chilled. Saturday we got some bad news so I left work early, couldn't concentrate. We cleaned up house a bit then off for some tasty ribs. I love a good barbecued rib, but adding a crabcake to it. It was heaven. Later that evening we headed out to Club Charles to meet some friends before we stayed up too late to see the midnight showing of The Big Lebowski. It was at The Charles and freakin' hilarious. There are no in betweens with that movie, either you hate it or you love it. I looove it. It cracks me up! The Coen brothers are geniuses. We've owned it for awhile, but never saw it one the big screen, so couldn't miss this one! So we didn't.

Sunday, checked out the peeps, went out to lunch, had some crab dip, yum. I don't know what it is, I haven't had crabs all summer. Unfortunately. But then in two days, I get crab something. I like it. I also had my first Chai Latte, ever had one? They are yummy! I think I found a new beverage.

I tivoed that show Inconceivable, anyone else watch it? It was terrible. I didn't like it at all. actually, I only watched about 15 mins of it and deleted it. I don't know it all seemed ridiculous. I didn't really expect it to be real, but at the same time, I thought that they might get a few things right. Maybe allow the general public to understand how hard it is for one to go through infertility. But this show isn't the one. I just really hope that, what my friend says, "i just fear that people will watch it and think they understand what infertility is. sort of an "i saw 'inconceivable' so i now understand what you went/are going through" doesn't happen. I just might have to hit anyone that says that to me.

I'm all over the place with this blog huh?! I guess just trying to keep myself distracted.

enough complaining, how about some hope

I have another acupuncture appointment tomorrow and I think that I ovulated today. At least, I think that's what I felt. Did I mention my stones? My hairstylist has a store of her own right next door (to the hair salon) and she sells all kinds of good stuff. She gave me some, Chrysophrase- astrological sign...libra uses
-activates heart chakra
-instills state of grace
-helps one recognize the trinity within ones self
-aids in healing broken heart
-provides non judgemental attitudes
-increases fertility
Garnet- astrological sign...leo, virgo, capricorn, aquarius, uses
-"stone of health"
-brings awareness
-aids in creative energy
-stone of commitment to others and to ones self
-helps adjust flow of energy and brings vitality
there's one more, but it didn't come with instructions. I am to put them on the lower abdomen and do mantra of my own, if you will. So, I do. I mean what else can I do. The doctors can't figure out what's wrong. The acupuncturist can't figure out what's wrong. When I went in last week he even asked me again "Has your husband been tested?". I was like yes, remember when I was given the inquisition my first appointment and we verified that all tests were done to either one of us and it's a cut and dry Unexplained Infertility.
Infertility is such a bad word, put unexplained in front of it and it feels even worse. At least to me. What was the title of this post? Oh yeah, how 'bout some hope.

I have hope this month. I think that this just might be it. I mean why not, I even have stones. believe it or not, I'm not being sarcastic. I don't see why not. I felt the ovulation pains, I had all the good signs. I did what I was suppose to and now I just wait. wait...don't let me freak out on fake symptoms again though. Let it just be I am or I'm not. Simple as that. Thanks.

been awhile...

that it has and a bit has happened...
Well, I'm now 31, I have been on vacation, and I finally got my period. We saw some old friends in Boston. Ate some tasty wings and shared beers laughs and memories. Then we went away with our college roommate, his wife and their two kids. And, believe it or not we had a blast. We stayed in a vacation house in New Hampshire, it was a 5 minute walk from a lake. We had gorgeous weather. I spent most of my time at the lake. It was like having my own private beach all week. We went kayaking, my first time, it was fantabulous. We kayaked all the way to Maine. It was great! Did a little ATVing, is that a word, if not I just made it up. We ate, we drank, we vacationed. It was great. I think it was our best vacation. May vacations happen more often!

While we were on vacation I probably took like five pregnancy tests. I just didn't know what was going on. And, of course, before I left my acupuncturist said my pulse was fast and there was a possiblity that I was pregnant. I had also taken a test before going to the acupuncturist and there was a very very faint line. I still have no explanation for the pregnancy test. I think it must have been a false positive, no matter how rare they are. I never had bad cramping or anything like a miscarriage. My period was even shorter than the usual. And, every test that I took on vacation was NEGATIVE...so that leaves me even more confused than usual. What else is new though?!