blah, blah, blah

I feel like there is a lot of catching up that I need to do, but I don't know where to begin, so why bother. I will just post when I can and about whatever I feel like. So here's another blah blah blah. So moving here has been a bit lonely. I figured it would be awesome, a nice house, in a great area for a great price. That would be all that I needed. Did I mention that we just wanted to get away?! Away from everyone getting pregnant, away from all of our friends making their family bigger, away from a shitty job, away from all the pressure away from all the stupid doctors, that think they know what the problem is, but can't seem to help me, away from all the people that think they are helping but they aren't...just everything.

I'm just so done with people that think that they know, or think that they can help. You don't know what I have been through, you can't say the right thing, you can't fix it. Adoption seems to be our next step. As, we decided back before all the IVF stuff, we would adopt from China, but it's just so damn expensive. It's all I want is to make my family bigger, but fro crying out loud, must it be so damn expensive? So, we wait. It doesn't help that I am not working right now. But my job had no positions for me and there was no place to go. We were just going to live off of hubby's salary, but I'm bored and that will take us awhile to save up for adoption. man am I bored.

I have no friends here, I miss going out. I miss having things to do. Did I mention that I wasn't working. Did I mention I was bored? Anyway, North Carolina is lonely and I need a job. I just started sending resumes out, but I forgot what a pain in the arse it is to get a job. I hope this ends soon. OMG and Carolina is all about kids. That's the first thing people ask you? Do you have kids? How many kids do you have? UGH, I'm surviving. I have had my losing crying bouts, but I'm dealing. I know I won't be forever without kids. I may be without giving birth, but I will not live without having children. Mainly, because I see what my parents are doing to (I'm an only child) and I need kids to take care of me when I'm older. Yeah, that's the only reason. ;)

it's my birthday

yeah, I'm to the point where I am vying for attention. I did just turn 33, double numbers just always seems a little cooler than the rest. This is a new year and the new year starts with my birthday. In June we moved to North Carolina. Yes, we left the city, our cute lil house, my job, our gorgeous lil city of Hampden, and all of our friends. The latter has been the worst. Our house sold within a week of being on the market (yes, I realize that we were wicked lucky!). But we made that place into an awesome lil home! I left that crappy job, thank goodness. And the city and our friends are what I miss most. Family too, I guess. I kinda like being alone. I feel like the stress of being the nonfertile one has lessened. My family didn't do it on purpose, I'm sure, but the stress of their world is lifted being away.

I don't have a job yet, but I just started looking last week. I was enjoying not working and unpacking. Now, though, I am to the point that I am bored and need something to do. Therefore, back to work I go. Plus, I miss buying stuff. Yeah, we could survive off of Hubby's earnings, but I like it more when I can do what I want when I want. So, enough of that! I'm looking for the perfect job, if it's out there. Well, the perfect job for me, for now. I don't know what that is, but I am looking for it. Keep an eye out for me. ;)

We bought an awesome house in a little town that seems to be growing. We were looking for at least half an acre and not too far from hubby's job. We found it and at a not too shabby price. We love our house, we love our property and we love that it's brand spanking new. Our last house was over 80 years old, rehabbed yes, but still old. I almost feel like we shouldn't have a nice house like this, but we do and I love it. I just wish that all of my friends were in NC too. Hubby was able to transfer and we are not too far from his office. We pretty much felt as though it was an opportunity that we could not pass up. So, we didn't. Plus, a new beginning was in order. I'm sure any of you that have read this thing know that's the truth.

Well, my birthday is almost over. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

a year later

Ok, so it's been a year. I was the furthest I have ever been with the highest numbers I ever had. I was thrilled, then I found out they stopped rising and I was going to have another miscarriage. This one wouldn't work itself out. Nor would methotrexate speed the process up. I had to go to the hospital and have a D&C. Basically, surgically remove everything under anesthesia. So, on August 17th 2006, I went to GBMC and had the procedure done. I was...there are no words to describe my feelings. Plus, Honestly, I think I blocked them all out. I was beyond frustrated, to say the very least. It was two days before my birthday and this was a hell of a present. More like a curse.

We got a puppy miniature Australian Shepherd the next month. His name is Coburn, he's named after James Coburn and his full name is Coburn Flint (our lastname). He's pretty awesome. So our fifth year of trying is unsuccessful human baby wise, but filled with another furbaby. It was one of our worst years yet if it didn't happen we wouldn't have Coburn. So, go figure, we have no idea how to feel about the year on a whole. I was so happy the day we picked him up! The crate training and all of the clean up were not so happy days. But it came with the territory. It was the closest that we knew to having a baby. Up in the middle of the night at least twice a night and clean up even worse. But we loved him and we were in for the long haul! Guinness was not too happy, but she's trying to deal, still. We couldn't stay our late, we had to leave at lunch to walk him, we had to wake up early. It was a pretty similar conversation to our friends that were new parents. So, he's now a year and a sweetheart!

more in a bit...