quick update

...then I will come back when I get a chance with whatever.

I am SO Pregnant!

My betas came back at 2910!!!!

I have never made it over 1000!

I have never made it to this third beta!

I am SO having a baby (or two)!!!!!!

Needless to say, wicked excited!

freakin' out

Friday we got great news! My blood test revealed that my numbers went up to 246! We were very excited! I go back again on Friday to make sure that all is still well. I am so effin' nervous I don't know what to do with myself. Again, One minute I am wicked confident, the next I am wicked nervous! I don't even know what to do. I know that I have to keep thinking positive, but because everything is so different I don't know what or how to feel.

The wedding was nice, very small. We didn't know anyone but of course hubby's parents and and the bride and groom. Our niece and nephew were there, but that was more like babysitting. It was held at the groom's parents house. Their house was amazing. It was on a hill on a lake. They had a dock, a pontoon boat, and a gorgeous view! It poured while we were driving over, but the sun then made an appearance and stayed for the rest of the evening. It made for a nice evening. I decided that I would drink something in a cup not a beer. Which I guess in itself is kinda weird, but not really when there is free alcohol. My MIL was quite curious as to what I was drinking. She asked, Are you drinking a beer in a cup with a straw?. I thought that was a dumb question until I realized that she was asking because she wanted to know if I was drinking something alcoholic. That was her clever way of finding out if I was pregnant or not. I was annoyed. I gave hubby a look and said, No, there's alcohol over there, no need for beer in a cup.

Since we didn't know anyone we pretty much just stood around for awhile. They thought that it would be fun for the parents and the bride and groom to go around the lake in the pontoon boat. Well they were gone for like an hour. Kinda bored. I'm sure that it was nice for them though. I just thought that it was difficult when no one knew each other and the wedding guests consisted of like 12 people. The bride and grrom of course were the only ones that knew everyone, so they weren't available for introductions. Since hubby drank both of our glasses of champagne he was ready to talk to people. Made the night a little more socialable.

When they got back, MIL became a little more bold and decided to ask exactly what I was drinking and took my drink and tried to drink it. I was in the middle of a conversation with hubby and the groom about our trip to the football hall of fame and just gaped in awe. I couldn't believe that she would do that. I grabbed it from her and told her that it was a vodka and tonic. I was like are you freaking kidding me?! What the hell are you doing? She's like I want to know what you are drinking. I just shook my head. I didn't know what to say. I was livid! She's like, oh vodka and tonic, that's too much for me. I was like yeah, that's why it's MY drink!
I couldn't get over it. I was pissed for the rest of the night. Hubby didn't even see it happen. But he understood why I was upset. I tried so hard to just ignore it. I mean, she deserves to know, but she deserves to know when I tell her. The bride does not deserve to have her weekend taken away by our joy. I tried to forget it, but it really pissed me off. I'm still annoyed by it. I want to tell her, but I don't want her to butt her way into my business. I will tell her when I am ready and that's that.

The drive was long, we did it in four days. Two days there, two days back. The Football Hall of Fame was pretty awesome! Like hubby said, I think that it was much better since I have been a fan of quite a few teams in my life. It made for more interesting. The only really bad thing was it was the year after the Steelers and well, I pretty much can't stand them and their stupid quarterback (sorry J, but that was stupid). I've also been a fan of quite a few different players, so to see their sotries, shoes, jerseys, gloves, or whatever was cool! Even seeing all their bronzed heads. Realizing the years that they were entered into the hall of fame, stuff like that. It was just pretty awesome!

Glad to be home again.

Gotta go back to work today...SHIT! *sigh*

basket case

That's me, that's what I have been for the last few days. One second I am wicked nervous and positive that this didn't work. The next I was wicked excited and just 'knew' I was pregnant. I have been driving hubby NUTS. I was freakin' out last night. I didn't even want to go to bed, I knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep.

I woke up this morning as positive as I could be. I was even in the shower singing about how I was going to find out I was pregnant today. Yeah, I know, I'm a dork!
I headed over to the office and got mad because I couldn't find a parking spot right up front. I mean come one people, I just want to run in give my blood and go! Well I got in and the place was packed, I mean like I was gong to have to sit next to someone in the waiting room, if not two people. UGH, just let me get this over. I sign in, as soon as I look up I see them, my wonderful nurses. They wave me over. I'm like phew, I don't have to sit next to the woman with the little one in her arms.
I mean come on people, DON'T bring your children to the Fertility Center to wait for you?!!! Effin' idiots, like we don't feel like shite already!!
Anyhow, I go over smiling and they immediately accuse me of cheating. Cheating being that I took a home pregnancy test and already know my results. No ladies, I promise you I didn't cheat. They laughed, yeah right. I said I swear, I did not cheat. I so wanted to, but I didn't. They ask me how I feel. I tell them one second this the other that. They ask how does my belly feel, I say heavy, bloated, extremely bloated. they say, that's good. The ask how do my boobs feel, I say aha, that's the thing they don't feel any different. They say, that's ok, you have a positive attitude, that means you will have a positive test. Blood is taken by, we'll call her The Bearer of Great News. TBGN tells me that she will have so and so rub it on her belly before she takes it back. Pregnant bellies are good luck, did you know it? Specially for those of us struggling, doesn't quite make sense, I sure don't want to be around pregnant people. Well, I do now. Oh well. She also says that if she gets the results early... see I call back at 1 and they tell me the results. Oh the agony!...she will call me and let me know.

I get to work and realize that I am the only one there in the morning, I can't exactly freak out when she calls to tell me. And, I will shirley freak out, no matter what the heck she says to me. I text message her and tell her not to call me because I will not be able to react properly and it'll make for worse. Then hubby calls. He's like Soooo. Kinda like he did you get the results yet. Knowing full well, I don't get those until 1. He's says, just kidding and asks how it went. I go into the story of how they accused me of cheating and how we all laughed and what they thought, blah, blah, blah. Then my other line rings and I see it's Dr. so and so's office. I'm like shite, the doctor's office is calling. He's like go answer it. I'm like, I don't want to. I just freakin' left there not even an hour ago. how do they have the results already. OMG. So, I answer it. TBGN says "lowercasek, its TBGN...and the rest was a blur. I just remember her saying something along the lines of it looks good. Your test was positive and the numbers look great you are over 100. I'm in hysterics, I'm crying, I'm laughing. I'm like are you sure that was mine? Are you sure, really? No way? Really?! really?! Holy Crap! that's all I remember. I barely remember what I said to hubby.

I called him back and I just blurted (screamed) it out "I'M PREGNANT!!"

I have done this part before. It's the stuff later that I can't seem to do well. Friday I go for repeats, make sure that my betas are doubling at a fantabulous rate! Then I go back again the next friday, that's the one I worry about. Those numbers better blow everything away!

And, I think that I'm a basket case now?! UGH...

beta numbers

what are those you ask? Those are the numbers that you get as a result of the HCG (Human chorionic gonadotropin) test done upon your blood to determine how pregnant you are.

Mine were 111.

So, yes, I did have a positive pregnancy test! Yes, I am excited, can't you tell?! Ok, well, I'm more in shock than I am excited. I mean I don't have any "symptoms". I don't have my usual "symptoms", of course, my usual "symptoms" meant, 1) I was pregnant, but the embryo impanted in the wrong area 2) I have had "symptoms" three other times, but you don't see me with any children. and 3) "symptoms" are overrated! Mind you, I'm not complaining that I have no symptoms it's great. Enjoy it while it lasts right?! Repeats on Friday!

waiting

As usual...the waiting game sucks. There isn't a fancy way to describe it, it just sucks! Plain and simple. I had my transfer 5 days ago and all I can think about is what should I be feeling right now? What did I feel before, is this the same, is it different? If so, what's the same, what's different? Different is good, right? I mean I want things to end up differently this time. I have so much faith and desire for this to turn out differently, but every now and again that doubt sneaks in and I scare the crap out of myself. I mean seriously, what will I do if this ends in any way similar to the last few times?

I keep talking to my tummy. I keep telling those blastocysts to implant in my uterus. And yes, plural is what I say, I will take plural. It will be hard as hell, but I will take plural! I even want plural. I know that this will work! I will be pregnant on Wednesday! I will remain pregnant until I give birth to one, two, or even three healthy babies!

Every twinge I feel I wonder, when I don't feel twinges, I wonder. Earlier, I was searching the interweb for any firsthand experiences. Even though I know that not everyone is the same. I guess I'm really just trying to figure out if I can wait until Wednesday or if I will be tempted to POAS.

I AM OBSESSED, can you blame me?

transfer DONE!!

Ok, so I have missed a lot. I'm lazy, what else is new?
Monitoring started on about Monday the 26th, every other day of bloodwork and ultrasounds, fun.not. Then on about Wednesday the 28th I had to go in everyday. yeah, that was even more fun.

Retrieval was on Thursday July 6th. I was asleep for the whole thing, but afterwards, it's called pain. And, they expect to me to take tylenol for that kind of pain. That's just inhumane. I pretty much didn't move all day and sat around with a heating pad on. Pretty lazy, but nice to not have to work.

Friday, I was still in pain, but I managed to get out of the house and run a couple of errands. After walking around for awhile, I realized that I just wanted to go back home and sit on my couch.

Saturday, I felt much better and we took off for Quiet Waters Park to rent some kayaks. That was awesome! We got to check out the dog park without the dog drool. The dogs are pretty cool when they just jump off the platform into the water to retrieve their toys. It's cute! Then we got to check out some Osprey flying about, even saw three of them attacking a Great Blue Heron. We weren't sure why, but it was cool. We saw some horseshoe crab shells on the coast. And the most exciting we got to see a Belted Kingfisher!! I was so excited, ever since we got back from Australia, I love kingfishers! Kookaburras being the most gorgeous and vocal of them all. But to see one of their relatives in the states was amazing! Oh and the kayaking was fun too! I think that when we buy some kayaks we are leaning towards sit on tops. I had more control with this one.

Sunday, was the Transfer. That went well and quickly.
cute lil' story...When one of my favorite nurses was putting all the stuff away she found a ladybug. She brought it out to me and told me that it was a sign. Ladybugs are good luck, did you know it? I was quite excited, can you tell I'll take anything that I can get?! Plus, I love ladybugs, but my favorite bug is a lightening bug. We just never had them in California, so, they are so exciting to me!

Well, since hubby had to wait on me hand and foot on Sunday he was in the kitchen grabbing me some lunch or something. He yells to me, I got another sign for you. I was like, no way, another ladybug? He opens his hands and there is a lightening bug! I was ecstatic. I think the lightening bug flew in just to wish me luck! Now, hopefully there are two bugs snug in my uterus right about now! That would be perfect!

I know, I know, it's all so cheesy. I just will take whatever the hell I can get this time. I said Bring It On, didn't I?! Oh, you didn't realize I was going to 'lay it on'?! Get over it! ;)